I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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