shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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