my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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