Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
