I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
