i would punch a child for taco bell
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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