I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
