the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Everything about him screamed your future.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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