There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
