Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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