i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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