my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
MIDGETS
????
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
