my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
