shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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