The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
