if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
