so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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