The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
