I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
