i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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