I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
