didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
