im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
