Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
