Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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