Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
