im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize