Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i barfeds in our rink
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
