i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize