I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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