how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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