I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
