Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize