Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
