Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
