Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
