I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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