hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
