3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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