He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
