Me. At least after what I've been through.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
