You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
