none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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