so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
