i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
