Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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