Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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