Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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