So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
did you just send me my own nude
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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