I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize