i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
