found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
