I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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