Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
