So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
