He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize