I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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