my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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