Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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