I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
