That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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