I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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