...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
