Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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