Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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