the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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