Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my liver is dry heaving
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
