Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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