She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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