i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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