Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
