Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
