I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
