Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
