I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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