my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
